So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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