I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
