I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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