I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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