It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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