it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
