ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
