I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize