fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
