I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
