I got chris browned last night
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
