I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
