I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
