you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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