Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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