That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
