Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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