i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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