check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize