i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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