new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I won't apologize to a one balled man
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
