3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
