You just made me feel so damn special
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
