You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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