She is in my trunk
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
