Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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