I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
