Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
