So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it glows. i had to have it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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