Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
