If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
