So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
