oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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