i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
