Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
