Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
