yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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