mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
