Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The beer is more important than you right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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