I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
