I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
