your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
