we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
