I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
