man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
