vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
