24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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