she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
