Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
