even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
