I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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