Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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