Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
