I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
