I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
