You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
