he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
