I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
