ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
