I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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