shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
