Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
