Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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