Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
