You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
