the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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