im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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