I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
