all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
