I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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