in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
