Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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