I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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